“Maintenance Required” – Is it time to check in on your marriage?

By Pastors Kim & Jimmy Witcher

Whether kept in pristine condition or pushed to its limits, no matter how old or how new... every car needs a regular maintenance to run its best. Your marriage is no different! There is no cruise control for marriage; it needs regular check-ins, tune ups, and adjustments to continue running smoothly and growing into the fullness God has for you.
What’s more is that part of living an extraordinary life is not only maintaining a healthy marriage, but also continually growing together and unlocking new levels of marriage – where you experience more joy, more trust, and a better understanding what God is calling you to as a couple.
Here are three easy ways you can level up your marriage in just one weekend:

Days feeling like they’re blurring together? Get out of the harried “How was your day?” cycle, where you don’t have adequate time to listen to the important details of your partner’s life. Take a pause, set a timer for 30 minutes to an hour, pour a drink, and get some face-to-face time with your spouse. No really, sit across from each other, so you can look into each other’s eyes and hold hands! Eye contact and touch are bond strengtheners. You can ask each other just one question (i.e. How are you feeling physically?) or a series of questions (How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-4 physically? Mentally? Emotionally?). Make sure this is a “technology free” time where you can completely focus on one another.
Pro Tip: This is a time to actively listen to your spouse using both your head and your heart. If your first instinct is to workshop problems they’re experiencing (“If you just did this...”) or provide rapid encouragement (“It’ll be okay!”), try responding with compassion instead (“I can see how that would be difficult. I’m sorry that encounter hurt your feelings.”).

One of the best (and most fun!) ways you can do a little marriage maintenance is by doing something you’ve never done before – together. You can go big... take a pottery or dance course together. Train for a marathon. Learn a new language. Travel somewhere you’ve never been. Or you can keep it simple: Go to the grocery store and buy five items you’ve never tried. Camp in your backyard. Take a walk in a neighborhood you’ve never explored. Play a new board game. Learn pickleball. The possibilities are endless, and the only rules are that: You’re both excited to try your new thing, and it doesn’t compromise any of your established commitments for time, finances, and values.
Pro Tip: If you’re having trouble deciding what to do, do this twice! Each of you take the opportunity to plan a surprise you know your spouse will love. One easy option is surprising your spouse with something new in your routine – wake up and make them a coffee in the morning or learn to make their favorite dish for dinner. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, remember it’s the little extra things that take your marriage to the next level.

Marriage is designed to weather many storms, but the strength of a relationship and the odds of surviving a storm depend on the foundation it’s built on. As Christians, we believe that our Creator has designed a perfect and sustainable plan for marriage. You will need a God-centered community to support you, point you toward God’s plan for marriage, and, ultimately, help you grow together and live an extraordinary life! If you’re not involved in a local church – start there! If you are looking for a marriage-specific ministry, XO Marriage has a wealth of resources with a long track-record of helping couples have healthy marriages.
Pro Tip: XO WEST TEXAS is a one-day marriage conference happening in Amarillo, TX on November 5, 2022! This is an amazing opportunity for couples to level-up their marriage over the course of one Saturday – you will feel empowered, refreshed, and excited for the future God has for you and your spouse. Learn more and register here.